My Name is not Ugly

                           MY NAMES IS NOT UGLY

   There it was was once again, my high school. The building where I had endured so much ugliness, torment and bullying. All these years later somehow I thought that I might perhaps feel different about this place, but I didn't. 
     Well, there was no denying exactly how I felt about Collins High School, those painful memories burned deep inside of my sorrowed soul. Now, the only thing left at this second was to take a deep breathe and face these people one more time. With that thought in my head, I took a deep, deep cleansing breath and headed inside for the reunion. There was no telling who I would see and what they would think of me now, perhaps they might understand that my name is not Ugly, it is and always has been Cathy.
     The building looked exactly the same and strangely enough smelled the same too. I entered the cafeteria not knowing what to expect. It had been thirty years since I had walked these halls and truthfully I hadn't missed this place or these people. To say the least this high school, Collins High had not been the high point of my life. In reality it had been one of the hardest and most horrible places that I had no choice about being in.
     The band pounded out one of those old rock and roll tunes from the late seventies when rock-n-roll had been at it's high point in society. Not knowing what lay behind those heavy wooden cafeteria doors I paused for a second to whisper a little prayer,"Dear Lord, please keep me in check so that I don't lose it and punch someone in the face. Amen". Ah, that should cover just about everyone that could be there that I had bad feeling for, still.
     With my prayer intact and my courage wandering somewhere close by I headed inside to see exactly who showed up for this once in a lifetime event. The large room was decorated with colored balloons, streamers draped from one end of the ceiling flowing all across the room covering all of the ceiling titles. There were pictures of students from each grade level starting with the eighth grade class that graduated in  nineteen seventy six all the way through to the graduating seniors class of nineteen seventy two.
     How mortified I was to see my high school year book picture hanging from the ceiling where our graduating class of nineteen seventy four were gathered. Oh goodness, this was not how I wanted to spend my one and only reunion. Looking at that picture the only thing that I was grateful for was the fact that at least they had chosen a picture of me in my cheer leading uniform. That you Jesus for small favors. 
     So lost in my own world of reviewing those faces hanging from the ceiling I never noticed the first person who approached me as I continued to slowly wander around the room. His voice interrupted my deep thoughts, " Well, I'll be a monkeys' uncle. Cathy, how the heck are you doing?" he voice sounding familiar, but his face was lost to me as he continued, "Hey, you recognize me, right?" he asked looking as though he knew I would.
     Smiling at him I tried very hard to place the face in front of me. Nope, didn't know him from a stranger on the street. How could I tell this person in front of me that I had no clue who he was, um, let me think, nope, I honestly didn't remember him. So I said the only thing that came to mind,   " Oh my goodness. Look at you. Wow, you've aged so wonderfully. How the heck are you?" I stood smiling at this man as though it was only yesterday that we had talked to one another.
     Feeling very pleased with himself at the false fact that I actually remember him after all these years he simply continued, " I'm doing just great. I have my own business, computers and supplies. I have two sons both in college. And you, how are you doing?" he finally asked.
     " Oh, I'm doing just awesome myself. Married and have tow children and two grand girls." I answered hoping that I could find a table to sit down at and just watch the night unfold.
     " So, are you working these days?" the classmate with no name asked.
     I was feeling a little pinned in by this time, but answered his question anyway, " Not anymore. I recently retired from, um education. Now I'm a home body. You know cooking, cleaning, hanging out with the hubby and stuff like that."
     " Well, it's sure good to see you again after all this time. You know, I wasn't sure how you would do after high school." he paused for a second as he stood there with this sad expression on his face. Continuing he spoke as though he understood how this place could have affected me even long after leaving here, "There were plenty of people that weren't exactly kind to others'. Sometimes things like that can leave awful scars on a person. I never really understood what you went through till my youngest son had some problems like what you had to deal with. It's wrong for people to be so mean." He held out his hand for me to shake as though he was apologizing for all of the sorrow I endured.
     Looking at the man with no name, I smiled at him, "Well, sometimes people can under estimate what a person can handle and after all is said and done, sometimes the person that was held down will simple rise up and become a better person for what they experienced. I'm doing just fine these days, so in truth I won." 
     With that being the end of our conversation we parted from each other maybe feeling better about the past and the present and hopeful about the future. As the night continued I would meet up with many of the students that shared these halls with me. Many of them were people that I had enjoyed lots of good times with and many of them were only bad memories that I recalled from days long since passed.
     For those that I held special good feelings towards I would keep our reunion in my heart and always close to my soul. For those that I only had painful thoughts of I could wish for them a better future than the past they had left me with. Time moves on quickly for each of us and the memories that we take with us into our future days should be a constant reminder of how better to love ourselves and one another.
     The best thing that came out of that whole entire evening was the conclusion that my name never was, nor would it ever become Ugly. My name is Cathy and I carry it proudly with me every where I go. If I believed that I was indeed ugly, as ugly as some of those people tried to make me be, then I would have lost the true person that I am.
      My name is not Ugly, I am Cathy just as God always intended for me to be.